Safety First.

There's nothing more satisfying than capturing someone else's screw-up after it's been pasted to the back of a van.

Come on birds, make a nest. I dare you.

This old bird house was taken over by wasps.  Neat.

"Call Waiting" is a good measure of your importance to a friend.

You've been in this situation - we all have.

You're on the phone with your friend, chatting away, and they cut you off with, "Hold on a 'sec, someone's on the other line -".  Most people wait in silence for their friend to return.  And they wait, and wait.... and wait...

Call waiting is a good measure of your importance to a friend.

If your friend consistently puts you on hold for more than 30 seconds at a time, you're pretty low on the Friendship Totem Pole.  Conversely, you know you're at the top if they tell you someone is calling, and then ignore the incoming call.  Congratz.

However, if your "friend" puts you on hold but then totally forgets they were even talking to you, then, well, you are officially at the bottom of the list of important people in their life.  Welcome to Loneliness.

The express checkout lane is only an illusion...

Have you ever noticed that nobody ever obeys the signage for the the "express" checkout lane?  


I learned to count when I was 2 or 3 years old.  My friend's daughter is 3 and can easily identify 15 objects.  I'm willing to even bet that most people in can also count to 15.  


Somehow, this valuable skill flies out the window when standing in the Express Checkout lane at the grocery store.  There, in the Bermuda Triangle of Basic Arithmetic, 15 equals "16".  It also equals "17, and "18".  It may even equal "20".  Maybe even more.  So either people drop 100 points of IQ in the express checkout lane, or they're all inconsiderate assholes.  


Either way, I'm calling you out next time you decide that your time is more valuable than mine.

My 2 year old daughter made supper tonight.

Our two year old daughter made dinner for us tonight.

Yup, those are hot dog wieners in tea cups.